The Beauty of My Scars

Im sitting on my couch with my favorite song playing...Tenth Avenue North's Beloved. The rain is coming down outside, as it has all weekend and my dog and I are cuddled up on my big comfy couch while the Cowboys play Tampa Bay 20-7. I love fall...It's my favorite season. The weather starts cooling off, football season is in full swing, boots and sweaters get pulled out of the closet and more importantly, Starbucks brings back their Pumpkin Spice Latte. Most of all, I love how crisp everything seems. The leaves underfoot and the air that surrounds you as you step foot out into yet another glorious day!

Have you ever just sat and reflected on where you are? Spiritually? Emotionally? Hopefully you don't frequently have to reflect on where you are physically..but some people do I suppose. I find myself enjoying these moments more and more over the past several days. Friday night I came home during the heart of the storm, turned off all the lights and the AC so I couldn't hear anything but the sound of the rain as it poured into the pool below my apartment. I just laid on my couch in silence and talked with the Lord. Not really about anything dire, but just to reflect on where He's taken me and where He's leading me next. I'm thankful that I have these times to just be still and spend time with Him. Because of this season, He's given me the opportunity to learn just how to enjoy being alone with Him and be satisfied. I can't say it's always been that way, or that my heart is always turned towards Him, because it's not. I often find my heart searching for other things to fill me. My flesh longs to be held by someone other than my God and my eyes search a crowded room because I want that attention that I think may fill me. That is reality. My prayer is this...that in those moments, God might whisper and gently remind me that He is ALL I need. I don't feel ashamed because God created us for relationships, but ultimately for a relationship with Him. Each time I fall in my walk with Him, I may scrape my knee or bruise an elbow, but because God is my Healer, there remains a scar.

I read a blog today about this young woman with a disability that, as a kid, kept her from doing things the other kids had the ability to do. Like doing a backflip off the swing, or riding a bike, even running. She tells her story of how she finally got her first bruise. It wasn't caused by an IV needle, or any medical causes. A real battle wound. The picture she took of her scraped elbow covered in dirt documented one of her proudest moments. This may seem odd to you and I, but to her, its testimony that she suffered and endured. What if you and I responded in this way during our times of trials? I know that in the moment, when God allows us to walk through the fire, we get angry, or upset and ask God why us?? When you reflect, do you ever find yourself praising God for allowing you to go through it? It may seem unfamiliar, or you may understand completely what I'm talking about. But I often find myself thanking Him for letting me take the harder road that allows for bumps and bruises so that in the end I can look back and give Him thanks for strengthening me in areas I didn't even know needed growth.

On May 27th, 2001 I was involved in a motor vehicle accident in which I was ejected from the back window of the car onto the median on 1-35 W going about 70 mph. I woke up just prior to care flight arriving to take me over to Harris Methodist. The paramedics told me had I been wearing my seatbelt, it would have killed me. The roof of the car came down to a point in the place I had been sitting shortly before. The took me over to the ER at Harris and examined me and put me through various tests to check for any internal bleeding. Nothing. No concussion, no internal bleeding, not even any bruises. There was however several tiny cuts all over my body from going through the glass. After ten hours of stitching me back together again, I was sent home to rest.

The most visible scars are on my left wrist and hand. I used to always think about what we would do when I got married and they took the picture of the two hands laid on top of one another with the rings and the bridal bouquet. I was concerned people might only notice the scars....Yesterday, I was driving and for the first time in a long time, looked at those scars. I asked the Lord, what were you doing on that day? How did you use it to bring you glory? Did you allow it to happen just so that I would recognize that You want me here for a purpose? And what is that purpose? Am I walking in Your will? Is this life what You had planned for me?

Those scars are beautiful to me now. I'm no longer ashamed or embarrassed of them because I know they're my own.

We all have scars from our pasts. Just keep in mind every time you notice one of your scars that You were being healed. There was a growth that had to happen for that scar to be there. The pain has been taken away...

I'm not promising if you keep your eyes on the Lord you'll never be hurt again, because we live in a fallen world filled with pain and suffering. The Good News is Jesus Christ came to be Your Healer. You have been washed by the water and covered by His blood. Jesus Christ has two scars on His wrists and His feet as testimony that He suffered so that you may have life.

I guarantee He remembers you each time He looks at His scars.

God's Character

I’ve spoken before that I believe asking God why only causes me to become embittered and fall deeper into self pity. I enjoy the times that God reveals His character to me through the scriptures or even just in other people. I began reading Chapter 18 in Genesis when God tells Abraham that his wife, Sarah, shall have a son.

God Speaks

Gen. 18:10, “And He said, ‘I will certainly return to you according to the time of life, and behold, Sarah your wife shall have a son.’”

We Respond with our Words

What is our typical response when we hear the Lord’s voice? Do we follow in obedience, do we question God? Have we even positioned ourselves in such a way to hear from Him?

Sarah

In verse 12 we see Sarah’s response...”Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying ‘After I have grown old, shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?’” The Lord responds...”Why did Sarah laugh, saying, ‘Shall I surely bear a child, since I am old?” ‘Is anything to difficult for the Lord?’

Can you imagine God asking you this question? Do you believe there is anything I cannot do? Wow, in fear, Sarah responds, “I did not laugh,” for she was afraid. And He said, “No, but you did laugh!”

Abraham

22:1-2, “Now it came to pass after these things that God tested Abraham and said to him, ‘Abraham!’ And he said, ‘Here I am.’” (Abraham positions himself in such a way that he is ready to hear from God).

God Gives

Following the story we see God go to Sarah...21:1-3 “And the Lord visited Sarah as He had said, and the Lord did for Sarah as He had spoken. For Sarah conceived and bore Abraham a son in his old age, at the set time of which God had spoken to him. And Abraham called the name of his son that was born to him-whom Sarah bore to him- Isaac.”

I love God’s sense of humor here...Isaac means “one who laughs.” It’s as if God is reminding Sarah of her response to His voice.

God Asks of Us

22:2, “Then He said, ‘Take now your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, (Mountainous area in Jerusalem), and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you.’”

Do you see the direct correlation with John 3:16? “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”

We Respond In our Actions

22:4-5, “Then on the third day Abraham lifted his eyes and saw the place afar off. And Abraham said to his young men, ‘Stay here with the donkey; the lad and I will go yonder and worship, and we will come back to you.’”

This scripture could be debated as to wether Abraham already knew that God would save Isaac from being sacrificed and that’s why he chose to be obedient. But wether God allows us to know His will for our lives or not, it is still the simple act of following through with what God has asked of us that tests our faith in Him.

22:7-8, “But Isaac spoke to Abraham his father and said, ‘My Father!’ And he said, ‘Here I am, my son.’ Then he said, ‘Look, the fire and the wood, but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?’ And Abraham said, ‘My son, God will provide for Himself the lamb for a burnt offering,’ So the two of them went together.”

John 1:29, “The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him, and said, ‘Behold! The Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!’”

Revelation 12:10-1, “Then I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, “Now salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brethren, who accused them before our God day and night, has been cast down. And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to death.”

22:10-12, “And Abraham stretched out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. But the Angel of the Lord called to him from heaven and said, ‘Abraham, Abraham!’ So he said, ‘Here I am.’ And He said, ‘Do not lay your hand on the lad, or do anything to him; for now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your only son, from Me.’”

God Provides in Accordance to our Needs

22:13, “Then Abraham lifted his eyes and looked, and there behind him was a ram caught in the thicket by its horns. So Abraham went and took the ram, and offered it up for a burnt offering instead of his son. And Abraham called the name of the place, The-Lord-Will-Provide; as it is said to this day, ‘In the Mount of the Lord it shall be provided.”

God rewards those who are Obedient

22:18, “In your seed all the nations of the earth shall be blessed, because you have obeyed My voice.”

Galations 3:4-9, “Have you suffered so many things in vain-if indeed it was in vain? Therefore He who supplies the Spirit to you and works miracles among you, does He do it by the works of the law, or by the hearing of the faith?-just as Abraham ‘believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness,’ Therefore know that only those who are of faith are sons of Abraham. And the Scripture, foreseeing that God would justify the Gentiles by faith, preached the gospel to Abraham beforehand, saying ‘In you all the nations shall be blessed.’ So then those who are of faith are blessed with believing Abraham.

God preached the Gospel in the Old Testament of the things to come!!

Galations 3:29, “And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.”

I was talking to a friend about God’s will for my life last night and how I often concern myself with questions such as, “well what if I go this way and it’s not God’s will for me?” His simple reply was, “Emily, God's will isn't for us to be paralyzed by our constant concern of what His will is. His will is for us to step in faith and allow His will to be done. We can't solve God's will in our minds.” Another friend reminded me of the story in Matthew 9 of the man that was paralyzed and was lowered down into the house on his mat to be healed by Jesus. Jesus says to the man, "Arise, take up your bed, and go to your house." Jesus is telling this man, go and walk home to share your testimony with those who knew you were once not able to walk and now you do. "Walking" is a term often used in the bible to represent one's faith. It was a picture of this man being forgiven of his sins, and now walking in faith. The most beautiful picture of this, is that Jesus tells this man to now CARRY the thing that once carried him, his bed. Don't allow that which once kept you from walking in the faith paralyze you now. You were forgiven so that you might go and testify of the things God has raised you up from. In Genesis, we see Abraham prophesy the coming sacrifice of our Lord by walking in the obedience that God had called him to, in faith.

It was God’s will that Christ be sacrificed on the cross for our transgressions. It was God’s will that Abraham testify of his faith in God by being obedient to what God had asked him to do. What has God asked you to do? What is your response? Are you being obedient in your actions? He will provide for you. And reward you for your obedience. But let me share with you one more thing...

It’s not about knowing what God’s will is for you. It’s not about being provided for or being rewarded for what you do. It’s about Knowing Him. By walking in faith, and positioning yourself in such a way that you are able to hear His voice, you will know Him. Your eyes will be opened to His love for you. This is God’s character.

O, that you may know Him today.

His Lovingkindness

The past few months have been I believe the most precious and challenging season of my life. I have experienced so much grief and heartache with rich moments of joy in abundance without measure or reason. I give God all of the glory. John 9:24-25 “So they again called the man who was blind, and said to him, ‘Give God the glory! We know this man is a sinner.’ He answered and said, ‘whether He is a sinner or not I do not know. One thing I know: that though I was blind, now I see.’”

My life was not always like this. I didn’t always recognize God as my Beloved. He wasn’t always the center of my attention. My eyes were typically drawn to other things, and my heart was filled with idolatry and selfish ambition. Things I couldn’t have even identified at the time. My eyes were blinded, and my heart was cold and hardened towards the Lord. My ears were deaf to my Beloved’s calling. Yet, in His perfect grace, now I see and walk in the abundance of mercy and grace He has bestowed upon my life.

My boasting is in the Lord. It has to be. There is no way I can be where I am today without Him. He has saved me from my sins and rescued me from a life that was empty and unfulfilling. I was looking to people and things to satisfy my needs and desires.

We were created for relationships.

With our spouse...

Genesis 2:18, “And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’”

With God...

Hosea 2:19, “I will betroth you to Me forever; yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and justice, in lovingkindness and mercy. I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, and you shall know the Lord.

With other believers...

Matthew 10:40, “He who receives you receives Me, and he who receives Me receives Him who sent me.”

My struggle has always been seeking fulfillment in other people instead of turning to My Father. I allowed others to temporarily satisfy a void in me that longed for affection that they would never be able to fill. For a few years of my life, I felt God calling me to Him, and I chose to chase the things of this world that I felt would be more satisfying. I describe the Lord as a gentlemen. He stood at the door knocking, and after time He quit knocking because I wasn’t responding. I believe the Lord never left me, but I know He was watching with great pain and longing that I might look upon Him. It wasn’t until a few years later that it was almost as if I heard the Lord saying, “Emily, I’ve watched you live your life the way you’ve wanted, and I’m tired of allowing you to walk in your wickedness and disobedience, come and follow Me.” It wasn’t instant, but in His grace, I surrendered a relationship I desperately wanted to hold onto.

Since I was younger, I had a vision of the woman that I longed to be, but because of the shame and guilt that I carried in my heart, I felt as though God could never use me to truly be that woman. Lie.

Through that season, I began walking with the Lord and followed the strong desire He had given me to pursue Him. I began reading a book that I’m rereading today titled, “Completely His.” The Lord used this book as a tool to help me understand what it meant to be the bride of Christ and that He longs to have an intimate relationship with us. I had never heard of this book before. I was simply walking around Barnes and Nobles when the Lord led me to the book. The cover perfectly visualized the image I had always seen of the woman I believed God viewed me as. The cover had a woman dancing out in a field with her arms open wide, wearing a white dress. Although her face is blurred, you can see her beautiful smile. As I read this book, the author, Shannon Ethridge, describes how God used her brokenness and a time of deep darkness to bring Him glory in her walk with Him.

On a Friday night two summers ago, I attended a worship service at Christ for the Nations. As I sat and asked the Lord to please show me His undying love for me, someone placed their hand on my back and began praying for me. Although I never heard the words that were spoken, what I felt in that moment testifies that the Lord was answering that prayer. My entire body was completely saturated with a love that was unparalleled to anything I had experienced before and I knew it was the Lord. I wept for nearly three hours that night thanking God for his unrelenting love for me.

The next morning I woke up and told the Lord I was going to run until He had answered all of my questions. As I began running, the scripture, Jeremiah 29:11 that says, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future,” replayed over and over in my head for 10 miles. As I came upon the last mile home the Lord very clearly said, “In that moment I took away all of your shame and all of your guilt.” If you’ve ever experienced the feeling of believing that God cannot use you because of your sin, KNOW that this is a lie Satan wants you to believe. God takes those that are broken to use for His glory. How beautiful is His love for us.

Over the next few months, the Lord led me to a man who I truly believe loves the Lord with all of His being. Someone who captivated me because of the love of Christ that lives through him.

For two years this man loved me with the love of Christ, with patience and mercy for the countless times I fell short. Romans 3:23, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

Although I do not understand the ways of the Lord, I trust in His works.

Psalm 23:3, “He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.”

God has and will continue to be faithful in loving me. I praise Him that my heart has not become embittered during this season. When I am alone, He comforts me.

I write this to you today so that my testimony may bring you joy in your times of suffering. I pray that your times of mourning will be turned to joy because of your relationship with the Father. Christ has overcome the grave and your sins have been forgiven. Cling to Him and He will make your ways straight. Christ suffered so that you may live.

I’ll leave you with this illustration.

Think of all of your sins.

Think of all the times you have been unfaithful as the bride of Christ.

Imagine the cross. Imagine Christ in the garden pleading with the Father to pass the cup from Him, that He would not have to drink of the sufferings to come.

Now imagine all of the burdens you have tried to carry yourself, and place them on Christ’s shoulders. The weight of death crushes you and I, but Christ saved us from that. He suffered and died so that we may live.

The wrath of God was poured out on Christ as He hung on the cross before you. Your sins today hang on that cross with Him, keeping you from the hour of trial. Because of Christ’s love for you and His obedience to the Father, Christ hid you and your sins from God so that He might present you holy and blameless, without stain or wrinkle, perfect; before the Father.

Psalm 71: 15-17, “My mouth shall tell of Your righteousness and Your salvation all the day, for I do not know their limits. I will go in the strength of the Lord God; I will make mention of Your righteousness, of Yours only. O God, You have taught me from my youth; and to this day I declare Your wondrous works.”

By His grace, may you be blessed because of His lovingkindness.

Time

Blessed is He who has given me time.

He alone gave me the time to sit down and write this. He gave me time to come before His throne. He has given me time to endure the sufferings that have ultimately led me closer to Him. He has given me time to worship Him. He has given me time to be still. He alone gave me time to be patient and wait. He gave me time to heal. He gave me time so that I might come to know Him more. He gave me time to be loved. He gave me time to read His Word. He spent the time creating me knowing the time it would take Him to raise me.

How did Christ choose to use the time He had been given?

Fasted

Matthew 4:1-2 “Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, afterward He was hungry.

Called for Repentance

Matthew 4:17 “From that time, Jesus began to preach and say, ‘Repent for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.”

Called His disciples

Matthew 4:19 “Then He said to them, “Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men.”

Taught, Preached and Healed

Matthew 4:23 “And Jesus went about all Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing all kinds of sickness and all kinds of disease among the people.”

5:37 “let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.” For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.”

5:42 “Give to him who asks you, and from him who wants to borrow from you do not turn away.”

5:44 “But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.”

Encouraged

Matthew 5:16 “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in Heaven.”

Acknowledged Sin

5 vs. 22 “But I saw to you whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment.”

vs. 28 “But I say to you, that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Commanded the Spirits

8:29-32 “And suddenly they cried out, saying, ‘What have we to do with You, Jesus, You Son of God? Have You come here to torment us before the time?’...So the demons begged Him, saying, ‘If you cast us out, permit us to go away into the herd of swine.’ And He said to them, ‘Go.’ So when they had come out, they went into the herd of swine. And suddenly the whoe herd of swine ran violently down the steep place into the sea, and perished in the water.”

Forgave those that sinned against His Father

9:2 “The behold, they brought to Him a paralytic lying on a bed. When Jesus saw their faith, He said to the paralytic, ‘Son, be of good cheer; your sins are forgiven you.’”

Called His Disciples to Pray

9:36-38 “But when He saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd. Then He said to His disciples, ‘The harvest truly is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest.”

26:41 “Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

Gave His disciples power

10:1 “And when He called His twelve disciples to Him, He gave them power over unclean spirits to cast them out, and to heal all kinds of sickness and all kinds of disease.”

Warns about the Persecutions to come

10:18-20 “You will be brought before governors and kings for My sake, as a testimony to them and to the Gentiles. But when they deliver you up, do not worry about how or what you should speak. For it will be given to you in that hour what you should speak; for it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father who speaks in you.”

Jesus fed His children

14:18-20 “He said, ‘Bring them to Me.’ Then He commanded the multitudes to sit down on the grass. And He took the five loaves and the two fish, and looking up to heaven, He blessed and broke and have the loaves to the disciples; and the disciples gave to the multitudes. So they all ate and were filled, and they took up twelve baskets full of the fragments that remained.”

Jesus spent time alone with the Father

14:23 “And when He had sent the multitudes away, He went up to the mountain by Himself to pray. Now when evening came, He was alone there.”

26:39 “ He went a little farther and fell on His face, and prayed, saying, ‘O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.’”

26:42 “O My father, if this cup cannot pass away from Me unless I drink it, Your will be done.”

Mourned for Jerusalem

23:37 “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the one who kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing! See! Your house is left to you desolate; for I say to you, you shall see Me no more till you say, ‘Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!’”

Preached End Times

24:4 “And Jesus answered and said to them, ‘Take heed that no one deceives you. For many will come in My name, saying, ‘I am the Christ,’ and will deceive many. And you will hear of wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not troubled; for al these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet. For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. And there will be famines, pestilences, and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of sorrows. They they will deliver you up to tribulation and kill you, and you will be hated by all nations for My name’s sake. And then many will be offended, (Matthew 11:6; Jesus’ words to John), will betray one another, and will hate one another. Then many false prophets will rise up and deceive many. And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold. But he who endures to the end shall be saved. And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in all the world as witness to all the nations, and then the end will come.

Took the Lord’s Supper

26:26 “And as they were eating, Jesus took the bread, blessed and broke it, and gave it to the disciples and said, ‘Take, eat; this is My body.’ Then He took the cup, and gave thanks, and gave it to them saying, ‘Drink from it, all of you. For this is My blood of the new covenant, which is shed for many for the remission of sins. But I say to you, I will not drink of this fruit from the vine from now on until that day when I drink it new with you in My Father’s Kingdom.’ And when they sung a hymn, they went out to the Mount of Olives.”

I come to this part of the gospel, and my heart grieves because I know that everything He did up until this point, He did for me.

Christ was persecuted before men and the Father

27:27 “Then the soldiers of the governor took Jesus into the Praetorium and gathered the whole garrison around Him. And they stripped Him and put a scarlet robe on Him. When they had twisted a crown of thorns, they put it on His head, and a reed in His right hand. And they bowed the knee before Him and mocked Him, saying, ‘Hail, King of the Jews!’ Then they spat on Him, and took the reed and struck Him on the head. And when they had mocked Him, they took the robe off Him, put His own clothes on Him, and led Him away to be crucified.”

Up unto this point, Christ lived a life as testimony to how He calls us to live.

He died, that we may live and have eternal life

27:46 “And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, ‘Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?’ that is, ‘My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?’”

27:50 “And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice, and yielded up His spirit.

Isaiah 53:4

“Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed Him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions. He was bruised for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned, every one, to his own way; and the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all. He was oppressed and He was afflicted, yet He opened not His mouth; He was led as a lamb to the slaughter, and as sheep before its shearers is silent, so He opened not His mouth.”

Christ’s life was to bring glory to the Father. In His perfect time, Christ was offered up as a sacrifice for us who are not able to carry the burden of our sins.

He made intercession for us.

Isaiah 53:10-12 “Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise Him; He has put Him to grief. When You make His soul an offering for sin. He shall see His seed. He shall prolong His days. And the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in His hand. He shall see the labor of His soul, and be satisfied. By His knowledge My righteous Servant shall justify many. For He shall bear their iniquities. Therefore I will divide the spoil with the strong, because He poured out His soul unto death, and He was numbered with the transgressors (He became one of us), and He bore the sins of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.”

Revelation 1:3 “Blessed is he who reads and those who hear the words of this prophecy, and keep those things which are written in it; for the time is near.” (speaking of the things that were revealed to His servant John, concerning the last days).

Mark 1:15 “The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand. Repent and believe in the gospel.”

How are you using the time you have been given?

With love.

Simple Love

I love how the Lord shows us so much of His character just in the simple things...

I was meeting with Him in my closet, and Ridglea (my dog) wanted to come in too. She tried taking her toys in, but I didn’t want them to be a distraction, so I took her toy and placed it outside the closet. She hesitated, but followed me in. As we sat there with the Lord, she heard something that caught her attention and she wanted out. I let her go, and when she came back to the door, I could hear her waiting at the door crying to come in. I also knew that she had brought her toy with her. Because I wanted her to be near me, I let her back in hoping that once she came in she would eventually lose interest in what once was a distraction and just be still.

The Lord revealed to me how He views spending time with us. He desires to be near to us. He sees the desires of our hearts and how they are a distraction to us. He’s a gentlemen in removing those desires because He longs for you to just be with Him. In our hesitation, we move slowly into His presence. Once we’ve entered into His presence, we often allow the things of this world to take our focus off of Him. We go after other things, and once we’ve chased that desire for a while, we eventually come back to the door and wait for Him to let us back in. He sees that you still have the same desires in your heart, but because His desire is ultimately to spend time with you even if you have chosen to hold on to the things He’s asked you to surrender to Him. He knows that what He has for you is far greater than the simple pleasures we hold in our hearts. He is patient because He is God and because He knows that eventually you will grasp His love for you, and you’ll realize that what once seemed to fill you does not compare to what He has for you.

"ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened."-Matthew 7:7-8

The Bridegroom

I have a photograph in my kitchen that I took called "His and Hers." Its a photograph of two coffee cups, one black and the other nearly white because of all the cream and sugar. I just made my His cup a Hers.

I've just recently moved to Ft. Worth and have finally settled in and feel "at home." I made the decision to move out because I really just wanted some "alone" time, just me and God. Turns out, I really just felt pretty alone. It took me about a week to get used to being out here. I struggled with not having anything to do, no cable, no internet, no one. period. Everyone I tried to spend time with had other things to do, no one was calling me back, or even calling me. I began asking God why He was making this so difficult on me. When I began sharing these feelings with a good friend, He told me, "He just wants you to go to Him, just go to Him."

I'm pretty sure I went home and turned on the TV (It took the AT&T guy 3 1/2 hours to set it up...even He said, "Maybe you're just not supposed to have TV"). I've turned my TV on twice now since I've had cable in the two and a half weeks since I've had it. I've realized what used to fulfill me, no longer has an effect on me. I've recently made a commitment to not watch chick flicks anymore. Something I really loved to do....so much so it was one of my favorite things to do to just go and see the movie by myself in theaters. It was like a date with myself. No one to entertain. Just me and that screen. I just realized, its producing in me a false hope. I watch the movies because something deep inside of me longs for the affection and the attention I see on the screen. It's false. When the movie is over, I feel worse than when I started the movie. I share all of this with you, because like many women, we can find ourselves sitting somewhere in a public place, see a good looking guy and play the whole thing out in our heads about how we met and he pursued and wooed us and now we have 3 beautiful children and he hasn't even made eye contact with you! Really. Okay, maybe you've never done that, but I'm just going to lay that out on the table that I'm guilty of that. I don't want to be, but since I was little that's all I've ever seen in movies, so why wouldn't it be like that? Right? Of course not. It's all in God's timing.

The scripture in Song of Solomon, 2:7 states, "Do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases." Imagine your best friend coming home and sharing with you that she has found the one. She tells her friends, "I am lovesick" and her beloved has barely even made it back into his car. She is advising you, please wait and be patient until your love has come. Don't going looking for it! She shares all this with you because she desperately wants you to have what she has found. As she's telling you about him, her beloved calls out to her, He says, "Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away." vs. 10.

The Lord has begun to create a sense of urgency in me to let me know He is waiting to be with me. I consider it to be one of the greatest graces He has bestowed upon me. It's as if He is calling me into the wedding chambers (my closet) just to be with Him. Sometimes I'll go to Him and just sit and be still and other times I'll pour my heart out to Him about all the things I'm struggling with. Whatever it is, He delights in the simple fact that I choose to meet with Him. He calls you and I to Him just like in the scriptures!

One thing the Lord has removed from my heart is the desire of a lavished wedding. The Lord has truly blessed me with several dreams leading up to one in particular that stands out from the rest. After 4 dreams in a row basically showing me the same thing, before going to bed the 5th night, I asked the Lord that He would reveal to me what He wanted me to see. The 5th night was a dream about my wedding. In the dream, I was preparing for my wedding in a building not too far from where the actual wedding was going to take place. I remember walking out of the bridal room and asking a woman if the wedding over in the sanctuary (my wedding) had already started. She said that indeed she believed it had just started, but to my surprise, it was if she didn't even recognize that I was the bride. Before I went into the sanctuary, my dad came to me and told me that my groom thought that it was time for us to get married, it was as if he said it with uncertainty. I remember going to the Lord and asking, "Lord, is it your will that I get married? Is this what you want?" As I walked to the sanctuary, I was to anxious to sit and wait, so I walked in. I didn't walk down the center isle, I simply walked in and sat down in a pew on the right side of the church, fully clothed in my wedding dress. I remember thinking, "why is no one looking at me?" "why has no one noticed I'm the bride?" The people in my dream were all the people we had invited to my wedding and I remember thinking, "Why are they here? Didn't they get our letter that we've called off the wedding?" As I sat in the pew, my father came and set behind me and held my hand as we listened to the preacher give a strong word. Most of the people in the congregation weren't even listening. The thing that struck me most though, was when the banner was raised. What would have said my name and the groom's name, just said...."My Glorious King." This wedding was not the one I had planned, it was the Lords.

I wear a gold wedding band on my left ring finger. It may seem odd to some people, but several weeks before Billy and I had even gotten engaged, I sensed the Lord asking me to be His bride. I was so excited, I went and bought a gold ring to symbolize the marriage. When Billy and I got engaged, I wore the ring he had purchased for me and placed the other one in a box, hidden away in my closet. It wasn't until what would have been my wedding day, that I sensed the Lord, again, asking me to be His bride. Not wanting it to be a desire of my flesh that I wear the ring, I asked the Lord to show me what He wanted me to do. I asked Him to lead me. He led me to His word and revealed to me Rev. 2:3-5. "and you have persevered and have patience,and have labored for My name's sake and have not become weary. Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand from its place-unless you repent." I spent that time in prayer and asked the Lord, "please Lord, forgive me for leaving you and going astray..I ask for forgiveness that by Your grace, I might fellowship with you, Father." Rev. 3:7..."I know your works. See I have set before you an open door, and no one can shut it; for you have a little strength and have kept My word, and have not denied My name...Because you have kept My command to persevere, I also will keep you from the hour of trial which shall come upon the whole world, to test those who dwell on the earth...Behold, I am coming quickly! Hold fast what you have, that no one may take your crown. He who overcomes, I will make him a pillar in the temple of My God, and he shall go out no more. I will write on him the name of My God and the name of the city of My God, the New Jerusalem, which comes down out of heaven from My God. And I will write on him My new name."

I still may not understand why, but I do know to walk softly and wait on the Lord. Be patient and be still. Go to Him and continue to go to Him. His timing is right. It is perfect. When I feel like I've spent all the time I can with Him, I still want more time. As you read Song of Solomon, I encourage you to look at how He describes His bride. How beautiful she is to Him. How He embraces her and calls out to her. My desire is to have and know that kind of love. For you to know that kind of love. To know that the God of all living creatures here on earth and in heaven desires to whoo and pursue you, sister! 7:10 "I am my beloved's, and HIs desire is toward me."

8:6 "Set me as a seal upon your heart,

As a seal upon your arm;

For love is as strong as death,

Jealousy as cruel as the grave,

Its flames are flames of fire,

A most vehement flame.

Many waters cannot quench love,

Nor can floods drown it.

If a man would give for love

All the wealth of his house,

It would be utterly despised."

Your bridegroom has already paid the price for your wedding day, He's made all the appropriate arrangements. The wedding feast has been prepared, and the proper garments are awaiting you as you meet with Him each day in the bridal chambers. May He clothe you with righteousness, truth and the crown of glory as He takes you before His throne and presents you to the Father today.

Be ravished by His love for you.

Misty Edwards You Won't Relent