A Groaning Heart

Heavenly Father,

I am so thankful for your love for us, God.  Thank you that in each of our lives you place trials in front of us so that we may lean on you.  That we might search our hearts and know you more.  God you gave us life so that we might love you on this earth, and die to be with you one day in heaven (Romans 14).  God may your name be lifted high through us.

One thing I have learned through my circumstances is that God is in control of my life, and asking "why, Father?" only makes my heart become more embittered and angry with God and the people in my life.  Why God would you give me this amazing man in my life to show your love for me in the form of a man? and then strip him from me? Why?  

Believe me, my heart has groaned.  I have been enslaved by my own questions.  I felt as though I had asked every question I could have asked the Lord and not one was answered.  I knew He was listening though.  It wasn't that He had left me.  He promises never to leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5).  I just realized I was asking the wrong questions.  Regardless if it was God's will or not, I may not know until the day I leave this world to be with my God.

What questions are you asking the Lord?  Is He answering you?  Are you listening?  Mark spoke on hearing from God this morning at Connect.  We hear from God in several ways, in nature, in scripture...from people.  He left us with the question, are you positioning yourself in such a way that you can hear the Father speak to you?  Is your heart lined up with His will for your life.  Is what you want what God wants for you?  Is it your flesh? If what you want is what God wants, He'll give you direction to get you there.  If it's not His will for you, I've found He's a gentlemen.  He guides us with so much love, with so much compassion and understanding in where we are.  He knows our hearts so much better than we know our own.  He knows your hurts.  He knows how much you want what you can't have.  But lean on Him and He will direct your steps.  "Now may the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the patience of Christ." 2 Thessalonians 3:5.  Patience takes time.  When I was younger, I was riding in the car with my mom and she asked me what I was thinking.  I told her I was praying for patience.  She told me, "Emily, God doesn't just give us patience, He gives you situations to learn patience."  It's one of the best things my mom has ever taught me.  This lesson laid the foundations for me in understanding how God works.  

Let me explain.  I'm sure you've prayed for faith before.  Did He give you faith? Or did He give you circumstances in which you had to learn to trust Him?  When disaster hits, how do you pray?  Do you pray that God would give you something, or take something away?  What if you prayed that His will would be carried out through you during this time.  What if your desire was to glorify Him in this time of suffering.  To be able to give testimony of what He is doing in your life. 

I say all of this because I have been there several times in my life.  And I still struggle with it. And although God strengthens my faith each time I'm placed before trials, I have a choice to turn and follow Him, or sulk in self pity.  Just know whichever way you choose to take, He desires your heart and He's going to continue to place trials in front of you until you finally surrender it all and choose Him.  He wants ALL of you.  You get to decide which path you'll choose.  My prayer for you is that you choose Him when He gives you the opportunity to endure suffering...so that your faith may be strengthened and your love for Him and His children will grow. 

My heart burns for each of you that you may know Christ and our Father intimately.  

My hurt has not gone away, but I know that it gets better every day.  I know that His desire is heal me completely.  I am thankful for the people He has given to me during this season of my life and the intimate testimonies strangers have openly shared with me that I may know our Lord more and His workings in our lives.

Be still today. Know that He is God. You are loved. You are precious to Him.