Sunday, September 13, 2009

The Beauty of My Scars

Im sitting on my couch with my favorite song playing...Tenth Avenue North's Beloved. The rain is coming down outside, as it has all weekend and my dog and I are cuddled up on my big comfy couch while the Cowboys play Tampa Bay 20-7. I love fall...It's my favorite season. The weather starts cooling off, football season is in full swing, boots and sweaters get pulled out of the closet and more importantly, Starbucks brings back their Pumpkin Spice Latte. Most of all, I love how crisp everything seems. The leaves underfoot and the air that surrounds you as you step foot out into yet another glorious day!

Have you ever just sat and reflected on where you are? Spiritually? Emotionally? Hopefully you don't frequently have to reflect on where you are physically..but some people do I suppose. I find myself enjoying these moments more and more over the past several days. Friday night I came home during the heart of the storm, turned off all the lights and the AC so I couldn't hear anything but the sound of the rain as it poured into the pool below my apartment. I just laid on my couch in silence and talked with the Lord. Not really about anything dire, but just to reflect on where He's taken me and where He's leading me next. I'm thankful that I have these times to just be still and spend time with Him. Because of this season, He's given me the opportunity to learn just how to enjoy being alone with Him and be satisfied. I can't say it's always been that way, or that my heart is always turned towards Him, because it's not. I often find my heart searching for other things to fill me. My flesh longs to be held by someone other than my God and my eyes search a crowded room because I want that attention that I think may fill me. That is reality. My prayer is this...that in those moments, God might whisper and gently remind me that He is ALL I need. I don't feel ashamed because God created us for relationships, but ultimately for a relationship with Him. Each time I fall in my walk with Him, I may scrape my knee or bruise an elbow, but because God is my Healer, there remains a scar.

I read a blog today about this young woman with a disability that, as a kid, kept her from doing things the other kids had the ability to do. Like doing a backflip off the swing, or riding a bike, even running. She tells her story of how she finally got her first bruise. It wasn't caused by an IV needle, or any medical causes. A real battle wound. The picture she took of her scraped elbow covered in dirt documented one of her proudest moments. This may seem odd to you and I, but to her, its testimony that she suffered and endured. What if you and I responded in this way during our times of trials? I know that in the moment, when God allows us to walk through the fire, we get angry, or upset and ask God why us?? When you reflect, do you ever find yourself praising God for allowing you to go through it? It may seem unfamiliar, or you may understand completely what I'm talking about. But I often find myself thanking Him for letting me take the harder road that allows for bumps and bruises so that in the end I can look back and give Him thanks for strengthening me in areas I didn't even know needed growth.

On May 27th, 2001 I was involved in a motor vehicle accident in which I was ejected from the back window of the car onto the median on 1-35 W going about 70 mph. I woke up just prior to care flight arriving to take me over to Harris Methodist. The paramedics told me had I been wearing my seatbelt, it would have killed me. The roof of the car came down to a point in the place I had been sitting shortly before. The took me over to the ER at Harris and examined me and put me through various tests to check for any internal bleeding. Nothing. No concussion, no internal bleeding, not even any bruises. There was however several tiny cuts all over my body from going through the glass. After ten hours of stitching me back together again, I was sent home to rest.

The most visible scars are on my left wrist and hand. I used to always think about what we would do when I got married and they took the picture of the two hands laid on top of one another with the rings and the bridal bouquet. I was concerned people might only notice the scars....Yesterday, I was driving and for the first time in a long time, looked at those scars. I asked the Lord, what were you doing on that day? How did you use it to bring you glory? Did you allow it to happen just so that I would recognize that You want me here for a purpose? And what is that purpose? Am I walking in Your will? Is this life what You had planned for me?

Those scars are beautiful to me now. I'm no longer ashamed or embarrassed of them because I know they're my own.

We all have scars from our pasts. Just keep in mind every time you notice one of your scars that You were being healed. There was a growth that had to happen for that scar to be there. The pain has been taken away...

I'm not promising if you keep your eyes on the Lord you'll never be hurt again, because we live in a fallen world filled with pain and suffering. The Good News is Jesus Christ came to be Your Healer. You have been washed by the water and covered by His blood. Jesus Christ has two scars on His wrists and His feet as testimony that He suffered so that you may have life.

I guarantee He remembers you each time He looks at His scars.





1 comment:

  1. Beautiful. I read once of a man who went to heaven and he said that the scars in His hands and feet are ever present. There may be no more tears in heaven, but the scars that are proof of the cross and redemption will always remain.

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