My Dad.

I feel as though I have so much on my heart this evening, and I'm not exactly sure where to begin in pulling out the loose string to start unraveling it all. My cousin got married today in Dallas. It was also the first time I've gotten to see my dad in a few months. Recently, I've started turning off my radio in the car while I'm driving and voice my prayers out loud to God. On the way out to Dallas, I began praying for Allison and her husband and for the vows that they would be committing before the Lord. I also prayed for my dad and our relationship to be strengthened while he was here. As I walked inside the church, I was greeted by most of my extended family and continued down the isle to sit in the pew with the rest of my family. A few minutes later, he came in a found a seat next to mine. I began praying about the ceremony, and that I would find my strength in the joy of the Lord. I was doing good, until I looked up and saw my dad begin to cry as his brother-in-law walked Allison down the isle and gave her to her husband. I knew what my dad was thinking, and it pained me to see that not only am I affected by it all, so is he. He held my hand as the made their way before the pastor; something I can't remember him doing in years. The music started, and we watched as pictures of the two of them flashed across the screen in front of us, we lost it again and this time my dad just held me as I attempted to keep my pathetic whimpering to a minimum. I listened as the pastor spoke of the two becoming one flesh. We were doing good again....until they started their saying their vows. At this point, I was clenching my toes against the pew in front of me trying to do anything I could to keep my thoughts on God and not on myself. My dad held my hand and cried softly trying to hide his tears. He rubbed this thumb over my hand that felt so small in comparison to his. It wasn't about me. I wasn't about the the wedding. It was about being loved by my dad.

I couldn't help but think about the day that I will get married, and my dad will be there to give me away. Writing this now allows me to recognize that now I have more time to build the relationship I've wanted with my daddy before he gives me away. It's the same thing I've believed the Lord has been doing with me the last two months and has wanted me to recognize. And He choose to show me it through my earthly father! He doesn't want to give me away as a bride until I understand His love for me. We cannot love one another with a fulfilling and true love without first knowing the love that comes from our Father! I love my dad so much, but I felt as though our relationship over the years has dwindled some and I desperately wanted it to be like it used to be when I was little and I felt like my dad could protect me from anything. He was the one that tucked me in at night and checked my closet and under the bed for any monsters. He's the one that sang to me and fell asleep next to me when he would read me stories at bedtime. He's the one I can remember dancing with, with my small feet on top of his. I was his little girl and nothing could go wrong if my dad was there. I felt that way again for the first time today during the wedding. On June 6th, my dad called me and we talked about the future. He told me that when I decide to date again, that He expects a phone call or a visit first from the guy in order to ask his permission to date his daughter. This may sound silly to you, but to me this was the greatest gift I could have received from my dad on that day in particular. It showed me that when I was hurting, he was hurting with me and wants to do everything he can to prevent me from having to go through this pain again. How much more with the Lord? I know God knows the pain I have felt and knows my heart inside and out. He knows my thoughts and holds me without ever letting go. What a blessing to see how God used my dad today to show me what He wants to do with me through a wedding. And since I won't see my dad tomorrow, today we celebrated Father's Day.

There is so much more I could go on to share with you, but for now know that He above all things is good. He knows the plans He has for you.

Put it before Him today. Ask and it will be Given.