Everyday is a struggle for me between what I know is right and what I desire most for myself. When I sit and choose to be still, I meditate on the wonders of how great our God is and how I desire to be more like His Son, Jesus. Why is it so hard sometimes? Remember the woman I told you about a very long time ago? You probably don't...but she's described in this blog somewhere. She's radiant and beautiful. She's out in nature spinning with her arms open wide as she dances before the Lord. She's wearing a white dress and the word I think of when I see her is servant. It's the woman I long to be. There are days in which nothing seems to hinder me from chasing after the Lord with arms stretched open wide longing to be embraced by Him, not letting anything slow me down. And then there are other days, that I just feel like it takes too much to come before His throne. How drastically different are the two.
It is sin that slows me down. It is my own sin that I choose to let me slow me down. When I mess up and mess up and mess up again, and then realize at the end of the day that I have not once slowed down enough to admire my King, I feel shame. How could I go the entire day without praising Him? How can He still love me?
God's love for us is endless. He has separated our sin from us as far as the east is from the west. When He looks at us....He sees His beautiful creation. He does not see the sin that should cover us. He sees His Son's blood that covers us.
This morning as I am getting ready for church, I have just been thinking about this past season. I was watching Matt Chandler's blog about his treatment and listening as he begins reading through the scriptures. How I miss the past season the Lord has brought me through. When you're in a place of complete surrender and feel so much pain because of something you have been stripped of, it hurts...but the only way to get through that season is to trust in God. And when you do...when you really let yourself believe that He really is who He says He is and He is the author and perfecter of your faith...IT IS GOOD.
Last April I had a choice to make. I could choose to allow myself to bathe in the misery of my disappointment. Or I could allow God to do what He wanted to do through me. It was a choice I had to make..and thankfully, by His graces and mercies, I choose Him.
He is able to heal the brokenhearted and redeem those that have been lost. He is able to restore in you a new heart and renew your old mind. When your only choice is to cling to God, hold fast. What I had during that season is precious. It is a time with my Father I am so thankful for. There were several nights that I went to bed lonely, longing to be held...and He did. He provided for my every need. He blessed me with a testimony that brought Him glory. He gave me a story to tell. I am thankful for the opportunity to have endured that season with my Father. I learned about Him, myself and loving all of you.
As we come to April 4th, Easter Sunday and the one year anniversary for me that I began that season, let us remember that on Easter Sunday, Christ ROSE from the grave. He endured suffering with JOY because it pleased the Father to watch Him hang on the cross for our sins. But He also rose again. And in Romans chapter 8, we are called heirs of Christ. "Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, IF indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory."
He is worthy today of all of the praise.